Black Tuesday 10th anniversary: Abundance of love for lost family

Family gathered at Natalie and Darren Borlase's farm, where they have since rebuilt their lives, spending the day with them, as they do every year on January 11.

"It's not a morbid day for us at all," Mrs Borlase said.

"Everyone in their own time can go to the memorial site if they want to but it's all about being around each other and appreciating each other."

Mrs Borlase said there had been many obstacles over the past 10 years and it put into perspective what was important in her life.

"I know quite clearly that 10 years is a long time but in my heart I don't know where the time has gone ... it feels like yesterday to me.

"I feel so much sadness but at the same time I can't help but be proud of what we have achieved since then.

"On that day, when I look back at what the farm looked like, it was like a horror story."

Since then vegetation has regrown, there are trees around the property and crops have been planted and harvested.

They have moved into the main farm house, rebuilt another house on the site where their home once stood and "we've improved ourselves".

Keeping her marriage together is one of the things Mrs Borlase is most proud of, particularly after being told early on by a counsellor that, statistically, the chances were high their marriage would not survive.

But having lost so much she was determined she would not lose her husband as well.

"I found my life in a state of turmoil. I had lost complete control of my life.

"I had to get my head around not just losing my only two beautiful children and my mum, my dad surviving the fire with horrific injuries, our farm, livestock and home completely destroyed but I was also faced with statistics that did not favour my marriage surviving the trauma.

"I remember thinking that I would not become a statistic in regard to my marriage.

"We had lost enough ... we needed to stick together."

She is also proud of her relationship with her father, who was with her mother and two children when they died and suffered terrible burns.

Supporting her dad long distance in his recovery from his physical injuries was a challenge but she feels lucky to still have him in her life and treasures their close relationship.

She has also embraced his decision to start a new relationship and is proud of his choice in partner.

"When you lose a partner it doesn't matter how many people want to visit or call, you still go to bed alone and wake up alone and that is when it is the hardest."

After the fire the support became overwhelming and humbling for someone not used to receiving help, but Mrs Borlase said it was a lifeline and she could not have got through without it.

The support ranged from close family to strangers across Australia.

They even returned from Adelaide after the fire to a fully furnished house on a property they share farmed, with everything from clothes and jewellery to a computer, thanks to Ron and Janet Forster and local businesses that wanted to help.

"I could not believe that people would put pen to paper or put their hand in their purse to help someone they did not know.

"It made me have a good hard look at myself as I was always one to empathise with someone's situation but never thought to extend it that bit further.

"That extra effort can make a remarkable difference to the person receiving it just by knowing that someone cares; it's really quite simple.

"I can never ever begin to express how grateful I am to each and every person who extended themselves."

One of the Borlases' biggest decisions has been to have another baby, Cash, who was born four and a half years ago on his late grandmother Judith's birthday.

"I decided that I had way too much love to give - and way too many farm animals to love," Mrs Borlase said.

"(But) I knew that all the stars had to align - my mental capabilities, my physical capabilities and of course the issue of age then became a question too."

Mrs Borlase was devastated when she had a miscarriage, followed by two unsuccessful rounds of IVF, telling her husband they just needed to be grateful for the two beautiful children they had.

"The following month, I was pregnant, I could not believe it.

"(Cash) is such a gentle, caring soul who makes a mark on all that meet him.

"I feel so lucky to be able to be a mum and in my opinion, it is the best part of who I am."

Mrs Borlase said she remembered Star and Jack, and her mum with "an abundance of love" but also much sadness, and seeing children the same age Star and Jack as young adults was completely overwhelming.

"I cannot help but wonder what they would have looked like, what things they would have been into, what sports if any, they would have played etcetera.

"I feel cheated, I feel they were cheated."

Source: Port Lincoln Times