Sexual abuse can happen to anyone and by no fault of their own, former Wallaby icon Tony Daly is proof of that.
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In fact, according to Survivors and Mates Support Network (SAMSN) community engagement manager Julie Blyth, one in three to four girls and one in five males experience unwanted sexual contact before they're 18-year-old.
For the first time, SAMSN is delivering its eight weeks online support group to men across the Central West.
"We're focusing on males out west because on average, it takes a man 25.6 years [five more than women] to speak out and for the first time, as a result of coronavirus, we are able to make our groups accessible to more remote areas," Ms Blyth said.
Mr Daly, who has been working with SAMSN for the past four years, said he was only 11 when he was sexually abused.
"It took me 35 years to come out, some blokes it takes even longer," he said.
"There's no shame in coming out and saying what has happened to you. It's a tender subject, and then there's the shame of it, the embarrassment, and people rarely understand. They don't know how to react to you when you tell them, they often get silent because they're uncomfortable."
But, Mr Daly said staying silent was the real killer.
Mr Daly had gone from being an idolised sports star, playing 41 tests and scoring the only try in Australia's 1991 World Cup final victory over England, to being dropped from the Wallabies and having his marriage fall apart. He turned to alcohol, drug and gambling abuse and started acting out, leading to his many run-ins with authority, which often lead him to court convictions and eventually even a warrant for his arrest.
"[Men] don't say anything, this is the issue," Mr Daly said.
"What we are trying to change is for people to come out earlier before it's too late," Mr Daly said.
"Start the healing by speaking up. This step doesn't mean that it's fixed, thoughts pop-up all of the time and you will have bad days, some days you will wake up and won't want to get out of bed.
"That's why you have to go back and get help, make a phone call and say 'hey I'm having a bad day'. The key is to not be afraid. If someone asks you if you're ok, tell them, 'no I'm not'. Because It does get worse, it's a mental block that you have that doesn't allow you to get better. You're on a road to destruction."
Mr Daly entered his first support group in 2017 and says he still keeps in contact with some of the men.
"Part of being in a support group is listening and relating so you become more comfortable and you understand. It gives you confidence, you're not frightened anymore."
Mr Daly said it WAS critical for others to be aware that someone's poor actions could potentially be a product of something such as sexual abuse.
"Pay attention. If someone is doing something out of character or acting out, ask them what's wrong, because you might just get an answer," he said. "You need to address it softly because these men need a lot of nurturing."
Ms Blyth said it is important to know that it isn't important to know what happened, just that something had happened.
The SAMSN team will be coming to Dubbo, Bathurst and Orange next week, and running a service providers workshop on Wednesday, March 31, in Orange.
The online support group will then begin on April 29. For more information visit www.samsn.org.au.
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