For Jackie Bayley, hearing the debate around the same-sex marriage postal survey was one of the most challenging moments of her life.
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“During the time I was in the closet as pansexual and I was hearing all these things about the postal vote and negative comments from people, people I loved especially, and I thought if I was to come out then they would reject me,” she said.
When same-sex marriage became legal, Ms Bayley was an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital, having survived an attempt to take her own life.
Ms Bayley has been chosen as one of the 36 winners of ABC Heywire, a youth project that encourages rural and regional Australians to share their stories and enact change.
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Next year she’ll travel to Canberra with the other participants to attend the Heywire Summit. The youths will meet with politicians and community leaders.
Ms Bayley said finally coming out felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.
“This year and last year have been the hardest, I've faced the most challenges but I think the more therapy I've done and engaged with and been honest about the more that's really helped me shift my mindset from 'I don't deserve help' to 'actually I am worthy of living' and that I can, if I try hard enough, get past this,” she said.
First she told her loved ones she was bisexual. Then she discovered a word that better fit her sexuality –pansexual.
“It’s the attraction to any gender so we're talking not just male and female but transgender people and non-binary people as well,” she said.
Ms Bayley said she often has to explain what is means to be pansexual.
“I think that was why is was easier for me to come out as bisexual, because people know what that is but that felt like being in the closet again because I wasn't expressing what it really was,” she said.
“Once I told people about pansexuality and what it really means, I think a lot of people have misconceptions that it's just attraction to objects or things like that which I had to explain.”
When she travels to Canberra, Ms Bayley said she was excited to speak with the other winners and hopefully initiate some change.
“Young people do have valid options and passions and ideas about change,” she said.
“I don't think young people get enough credit sometimes but we have ideas and opinions that are relevant and should be taken very seriously,” Ms Bayley said.
At the Heywire summit, the participants will work in groups to develop an idea to improve the lives of young people. The ideas will be presented at Parliament House.
Overall, the Dubbo resident said she wanted her story and ongoing battles of living with mental illnesses to give hope to others who were struggling.
“I have my struggles still. Some days are better than others but my outlook has changed. My mindset is to focus on recovery and how I can better myself,” Ms Bayley said.
“I like to be honest that things aren't always sunshine and rainbows but some of it actually is. There's always going to be hope even when you feel like there's none left. And I think that's important for people to know.