Let’s face it, when it comes to garden jobs, most of us would rather lounge back munching on a packet of rosemary and sea salt Kettle crisps while watching ‘Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines’ than run around the yard with a noisy petrol mower.
Of course the tasks in the garden won’t go away.
There are penalties for non-compliance. The lady of the house has some unwritten rules. Stuff has to be done.
No matter how tired we feel after slogging it out during the work week, those little jobs around the house do build up.
Tackle them one by one. Zone in on each task, complete it, then have your break.
Either that or consider cold baked beans your main meal until you do.
That branch poking over the footpath.
Grab a hand saw and cut it with the three-point method to prevent timber split.
First cut underneath by one third, next cut one centimetre in front to remove the weight, followed by the third cut where you want to go.
That offer of free stable manure may be a nightmare waiting to rear up and trample your native plants.
I like horse manure for soil conditioning myself, although the sawdust factor can draw out your nitrogen. Must always be applied after composting to prevent plant burn.
There was the time I lost the whole eight of my wife’s favoured ‘Moonlight’ Grevillea after a ‘boost’ with fresh manure.
Then came the fly maggots on the very afternoon we had an outdoor barbecue.
I remember the bean cans before they had flip-top lids. And who took the can opener?
Those plants the missus lined up on the back porch will actually dry out and go brown on you if you don’t water them as told. Just saying.
Nursery potting mix is notorious for sharp drainage. Are the plants still smiling happily at you, waiting to be planted? Or have you not drawn the connection between your reluctance to lift the spade and the absence of cooked meals?
Fruit flies however may just beat us. This is where we come undone. Chemical traps don’t stop the problem.
Maybe we should cut down the Apricot tree and be done with it? Bribe the kids to mow the lawn?
Or convince the missus a high lawn is healthy, and greener?
OK maybe we should just develop a taste for baked beans?
If a ‘Blazing Saddles’ odour factor is too rich after dinner, we can control it with a few drops of strawberry or raspberry essence in the mop bucket.
Or why not give up while you are behind?
Fly a kite with Dick van Dyke and, let’s see, how many bean cans will do for a week?